About an hour after my last post I got a call telling me that my father had passed away. There is so much that I want to say about him but I'm not quite ready yet. Mainly I'm just happy that he can be at peace now but I miss him so much. He had Alzheimer's so I've been missing him for a long time already but it's still hard to say the last goodbye.
The test results from the EEG came back today. The dr said that there aren't any signs of seizures (yay!) but there is definitely a pattern of disorganized activity, more on one side than the other. That's all indicative of the damage from the strokes. Right now there's nothing being done about the strokes until we find what's causing my blood to turn to syrup and that will be up to the oncologist.
The rheumatologist called with her test results too. The tests for RA were negative (just like we knew they would be) but the tests she did for monoclonal gammopathy weren't. There was also another test that popped up showing signs of an active infection--except I don't have any infections; not even a sniffle or a hangnail. So that's not necessarily a good sign but I told her to send the results to my new oncologist and we'll see what she makes of it. At least she'll have the results of that IgM test from three different doctors all showing the same results (plus the one showing a pop in white cells which is so not good) so there won't be any doubt that yes, I do have a spike in immunoglobulin m. Whether it's precancerous or cancer is still unknown but I see the oncologist on Friday and hopefully she'll get the process started to find out.
I'm open to any treatment right now. I haven't been able to get out of bed for two days again because I've been so sick. Every time I move a wave of nausea washes over me. Seems like I lose a little more ground every day but then this has been a really rough and emotional week.
Good night Daddy.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Saturday, October 8, 2011
As long as I'm up
I'm having an EEG today because they want to make sure that I'm not having seizures in addition to strokes. Suuuuuuuuuuuuure. Why not. So I'm up before the sun because there are some rules you have to follow before you have an EEG.
One is no caffeine. *whimpering quietly* I've weaned myself down to just one Mt Dew a day but I still get nasty-wicked headaches if I don't get my caffeine. *checking the clock* And it's going to be another 6 hours before I can have one. That's a very long time to have one of these headaches.
The second is that for some reason they need you to be sleep deprived for the test. That one mystifies me just a little bit but it's their party so I'll play along. They said to go to bed two hours earlier than usual and get up two hours earlier than usual. I did the math and that means that I only get 20 minutes of sleep, and that's only if it's a good night. And to top it all off, I can't take pain meds because it could screw up the results.
This test was originally scheduled for last week but someone forgot to tell the tech so I went thru all this, got there and waited for an hour, and the tech never showed up. Needless to say I wasn't a happy camper about it. People who don't have insomnia have no clue what it means to ask an insomniac to give up sleep. When you have insomnia, sleep is the most important thing in the world. Hell, I don't even mind getting 60 shots in my back all at the same time because they knock me out for it and I get a good one hour nap! Yes, I completely understand why Michael Jackson used anesthesia as a sleep aid. To paraphrase a portion Stephen King's book "Insomnia", "Thousands of people die of insomnia every year they just put "heart attack" or "suicide" on the death certificate."
If you've never had *chronic* insomnia you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every precious second of sleep you can get is golden and every additional second that you lose is agony. I'm not exaggerating about that either. Insomnia is painful, especially if you have other issues too. For me, sleep is the only way my body can escape from pain and, more importantly, it's the only way my body can have any time to relax and heal at all. It takes days, if not weeks, for me to completely recover from the effects of a night without sleep or even reduced sleep. Since this is the second time in two weeks, it's twice as hard as it was last week.
There is the additional factor that the first major cold front of the year pushed thru this morning and there's freezing rain pelting the windows. Neither Arthritis or Fibromyalgia are impressed with dramatic weather changes so my joints and my muscles all feel like we've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.
With any luck they'll get some useful information with this test. I don't think I'm having seizures but who knows. Even if they can capture some info about which parts of my brain aren't working correctly it would be helpful. I just want to know that going thru this twice and paying a giant co-pay is worth it. At this particular moment in time, I'm having some serious doubts but then again, I'd do just about anything for a Mt Dew and a two hour nap.
The longer I type, the sleepier I get so it's time to attempt moving around before the narcolepsy hits and I pitch face down onto the keyboard. Perhaps I'll get in an hour or two of playing Neverwinter Nights before it's time to go.
One is no caffeine. *whimpering quietly* I've weaned myself down to just one Mt Dew a day but I still get nasty-wicked headaches if I don't get my caffeine. *checking the clock* And it's going to be another 6 hours before I can have one. That's a very long time to have one of these headaches.
The second is that for some reason they need you to be sleep deprived for the test. That one mystifies me just a little bit but it's their party so I'll play along. They said to go to bed two hours earlier than usual and get up two hours earlier than usual. I did the math and that means that I only get 20 minutes of sleep, and that's only if it's a good night. And to top it all off, I can't take pain meds because it could screw up the results.
This test was originally scheduled for last week but someone forgot to tell the tech so I went thru all this, got there and waited for an hour, and the tech never showed up. Needless to say I wasn't a happy camper about it. People who don't have insomnia have no clue what it means to ask an insomniac to give up sleep. When you have insomnia, sleep is the most important thing in the world. Hell, I don't even mind getting 60 shots in my back all at the same time because they knock me out for it and I get a good one hour nap! Yes, I completely understand why Michael Jackson used anesthesia as a sleep aid. To paraphrase a portion Stephen King's book "Insomnia", "Thousands of people die of insomnia every year they just put "heart attack" or "suicide" on the death certificate."
If you've never had *chronic* insomnia you know exactly what I'm talking about. Every precious second of sleep you can get is golden and every additional second that you lose is agony. I'm not exaggerating about that either. Insomnia is painful, especially if you have other issues too. For me, sleep is the only way my body can escape from pain and, more importantly, it's the only way my body can have any time to relax and heal at all. It takes days, if not weeks, for me to completely recover from the effects of a night without sleep or even reduced sleep. Since this is the second time in two weeks, it's twice as hard as it was last week.
There is the additional factor that the first major cold front of the year pushed thru this morning and there's freezing rain pelting the windows. Neither Arthritis or Fibromyalgia are impressed with dramatic weather changes so my joints and my muscles all feel like we've gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson.
With any luck they'll get some useful information with this test. I don't think I'm having seizures but who knows. Even if they can capture some info about which parts of my brain aren't working correctly it would be helpful. I just want to know that going thru this twice and paying a giant co-pay is worth it. At this particular moment in time, I'm having some serious doubts but then again, I'd do just about anything for a Mt Dew and a two hour nap.
The longer I type, the sleepier I get so it's time to attempt moving around before the narcolepsy hits and I pitch face down onto the keyboard. Perhaps I'll get in an hour or two of playing Neverwinter Nights before it's time to go.
Friday, October 7, 2011
It's not supposed to work that way
I though that it was bad enough that the bad oncologist didn't call me with the results of my tests, but this morning he had the scheduling department deliver the bad news to me! Isn't that a helluva thing to do?
Seriously, I got a call this morning from the hospital scheduling department and the nice lady said that Dr F had ordered a "bone survey" study for me. I asked her what that is and she said it's a test they run on cancer patients that scans the entire skeletal system so see if there are any abnormalities---to put it bluntly, it checks to see if the cancer has metastasized.
Except I didn't know that I was a cancer patient. I'm still not sure but it's obvious that whatever the oncologist is testing me for isn't a good thing. He had told me in the office that if the test results were bad the next step would be this bone survey test so it appears his way of informing patients that their test results are bad is to have the scheduling department tell them they need to have something else done. Or maybe he just doesn't care at all and expects his patients to be oblivious to what's happening to them and blindly follow everything he says with no explanation as to why.
Anyway, I told the scheduler that I fired Dr F and have a new oncologist in a different practice that is still in the hospital network. She said that it would be best to wait and let the new doctor order the bone survey to make sure the results go to the right doctor and take Dr F out of the loop.
It's amazing. So far the doctor, two different people in the scheduling department, and at least a couple people at the insurance company know the results of my tests but I don't. Plans are being made for my future without my knowledge. I'm telling you, if I felt halfway like myself someone would be getting bitch slapped into next week for this shit. It's absolutely, positively NOT going to happen this way. It's still my life and *I* make the decisions for myself just like I have since I started walking and talking.
So the bone survey is on hold until I talk to the new oncologist next Friday. From what I've heard about her, she believes in strong communication with her patients. That's good because it means that she and I can work as a team.
|As for the asshole oncologist, his name is David Faragher. If I ever see him again I'm going to kick him in the balls and then refuse to tell him why.
Seriously, I got a call this morning from the hospital scheduling department and the nice lady said that Dr F had ordered a "bone survey" study for me. I asked her what that is and she said it's a test they run on cancer patients that scans the entire skeletal system so see if there are any abnormalities---to put it bluntly, it checks to see if the cancer has metastasized.
Except I didn't know that I was a cancer patient. I'm still not sure but it's obvious that whatever the oncologist is testing me for isn't a good thing. He had told me in the office that if the test results were bad the next step would be this bone survey test so it appears his way of informing patients that their test results are bad is to have the scheduling department tell them they need to have something else done. Or maybe he just doesn't care at all and expects his patients to be oblivious to what's happening to them and blindly follow everything he says with no explanation as to why.
Anyway, I told the scheduler that I fired Dr F and have a new oncologist in a different practice that is still in the hospital network. She said that it would be best to wait and let the new doctor order the bone survey to make sure the results go to the right doctor and take Dr F out of the loop.
It's amazing. So far the doctor, two different people in the scheduling department, and at least a couple people at the insurance company know the results of my tests but I don't. Plans are being made for my future without my knowledge. I'm telling you, if I felt halfway like myself someone would be getting bitch slapped into next week for this shit. It's absolutely, positively NOT going to happen this way. It's still my life and *I* make the decisions for myself just like I have since I started walking and talking.
So the bone survey is on hold until I talk to the new oncologist next Friday. From what I've heard about her, she believes in strong communication with her patients. That's good because it means that she and I can work as a team.
|As for the asshole oncologist, his name is David Faragher. If I ever see him again I'm going to kick him in the balls and then refuse to tell him why.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Finding My Way Back
I can't believe it's been a year since I posted anything here. The last post was about my surgery and lest anyone think I had complications from that, it all worked out okay. In fact, my throat has never been better. It's the rest of my body that went to hell in a handbasket. To make a long story short it's just easier to give you a list of all the things I'm currently been diagnosed with and/or being treated for. If you follow my blog, hypoxemia is where we left off when last we talked. But here's the whole list:
Arthritis
Degenerative Disc Disease
Carpal Tunnel (both hands)
Reynaud’s Syndrome
Fibromyalgia
Chronic Myofascia Pain Syndrome
Hyperthyroidism following thyroidectomy (still working on getting the meds right)
High Blood Pressure
Hypoxemia (low oxygen saturation and they still don't know why)
Pulmonary hypertension
Mild emphysema
Hardening of the coronary arteries
Central Apnea (both sleeping and awake which means that my brain forgets to tell my lungs to breathe)
Recurring Vitamin D deficiency
Xanthomas
Hearing loss due to nerve damage, both ears. (In addition to not hearing, I can't feel the sides of my face).
Type 2 Diabetes
Hyperviscosity (my blood has the consistency of honey)
Peripheral Neuropathy
Silent strokes (total of 95)
All that sort of explains why I haven't been around for awhile. The biggest concern has become the blood problem which obviously could be responsible for a lot of the other issues. It's so bad that when they do blood tests, they have to repeat about half of them because my blood is too thick for them to run their tests on it.
I have a good neurologist who figured out that doing an MRI on my brain would be helpful. When he showed me the films afterwards, there were all these white spots in my brain. Some of them were pinpoint in size, some where as big as my fingertip. He explained that these are silent strokes (strokes that don't cause a visible, physical effect like being paralized) and they're primarily centered in the parts of my brain that control my memory, language skills, math skills, and emotional control. He started counting them so we'd know how many there were to compare it to another MRI in six months and when he got done, the total was 95.
95.
I've never fainted from bad news but I think I came close to it then. I remember babbling some silly shit about "five more and I'd have a perfect score" which was just my tongue killing time while my brain tried to assimilate what he just said.
It was a shock and still is. They don't know why I'm having strokes yet..........the neurologist said it's not his field and sent me off to an oncologist after he found a weird antibody in one of my blood tests trying to figure out what's causing all the numbness/lack of nerve response in my hands, arms, legs, feet, and face.
Now if finding out that you've had 95 strokes and seeing your brain looking like swiss cheese isn't enough to screw up your day, being told you need to see an oncologist for it takes you to a whole new level, especially when they don't tell you WHY.
Why is such a small word but it is has such an important role in life. If we don't ask why, we're doomed to oblivion and the only thing worse than oblivion is ignorance. I refuse to live in ignorance, therefore I ask "why" if I don't know the answer to something, especially if that question is "why do I have to see a cancer doctor?". The neuro said that he'd found an abnormal antibody spike in one of my blood tests but I'd need to ask the oncologist what it meant so after spending two weeks waiting to get in to see him and worrying about all the possibilities, I asked the oncologist "Why?"
He told me that it was a really long list and too much to go into. I asked him what he was testing me for and he refused to answer that either. And since he's a hematologist (blood specialist), I tried to talk to him about my little problem with the syrup running thru my veins; the strokes; the way my blood won't carry oxygen---all things that fall under the heading of "blood doctor". He told me that he didn't care about any of those things and refused to discuss them with me. He said that all he was going to do was run the same test my neuro ran to see if it was a fluke or not. He suggested that I talk to my GP about these other issues, told me to make a follow up appointment in 30 days to get the results and then he walked out of the room.
OMFG. I've never come so close to hitting another human being in all my life. I've had two pulmonologists and one of the nation's highest ranked cardiologists run thousands of dollars of tests to try and figure out these problems and he's referring me to a general practitioner whose capabilities pretty much end with flu shots and throat cultures????? I managed to get out into the parking lot before I broke down sobbing, more from frustration than anything else. I've talked to two other doctors about his behavior since then and they both said that it was just plain abusive.
Fortunately one of the other docs was able to refer me to a good oncologist who is able to see me next week. I found it of interest that when I made the appointment that the new doctor is in the same network as the asshole and the recep told me that she could see my test results were done and in the system so the new doctor would be able to see them.
Wait. The results are already back after less than a week and that asshole told me to wait a MONTH! And he obviously isn't going to call me with the results. I've never thought of suing a doctor before (and I've had a few really bad ones) but the emotional torment that this jerk has put me thru almost has me considering it. If I had any energy at all, I would.
So that's where we're at right now with the blood/stroke issues and hopefully the new oncologist will be better. For one thing, she's a woman. I've come to the conclusion that the only doctors who are going to help me are women. With one exception, the only doctors who have actually done anything except give up and refer me to someone else are women. I have the world's best rheumatologist, a lovely woman who is understanding of the fact that even tho I'm upright and not bleeding, I'm still very sick. I also have a new endo, a wonderful woman who has the mind of a scientist and the curiosity of a diagnostician. She's the one who got me off the bad thyroid med and onto one that works..........plus she discovered that I have diabetes. You know, I've had five endocrinologists in the past three years and not a one of them even tested my blood sugar. Turns out I have type 2 and she started me on meds right away. One is a new medication called Victoza that I inject into my abdomen every day (that's not nearly as bad as it sounds) that is designed to help with the absorption issues and keep the diabetes from getting worse. The great thing about it is that one of the side effects is weight loss and I've dropped 11 pounds in six weeks. My glucose is getting down into the 120 range now so all of her treatments are working. In addition to that she discovered my cholesterol is all out of whack and she's treating me for that AND helping with my blood pressure too. You can just imagine how thrilled I am to have found her! Seriously, I am more grateful to this woman than I can possibly say. She's also the one who referred me to the new oncologist and if she says that doctor is good, I'll trust her.
I saw my rheumatologist yesterday; three months earlier than I should have but that antibody they found in my blood can sometimes be present with rheumatoid arthritis. My rheumatologist ruled that out a long time ago but with the neuro and the bad oncologist both asking me if I have RA, I figured I'd better get in to see her. I'm glad that I did because she talked straight to me about what the oncologist might find and those are the first straight answers I've gotten since the blood test came back. Yes, it could be something like a non-Hodkins lymphoma such as Waldenstrom's Macroglobulinemia, but it could also be a "monocular gammopathy of undetermined significance" or "MGUS". That's more of a pre-cancerous condition that requires monitoring instead of a full blown terminal lymphoma like WM. There's no way of knowing anything for sure until the oncologist sees me and does her thing, but at least Dr H gave me some hope and some solid information so I'm not just wandering around scared to death and freaking out. And the endo gave me additional hope because she said she knows the new oncologist will behave like a proper hematologist and even if I don't have cancer, she'll be able to help me with my blood problems which will in turn make me feel a lot better in a lot of ways. Of course that's in theory only right now, but I'll take any kind of hope that I can get.
My biggest goal right now is to stop the strokes before I lose what I have left of my brain. The doctor asked me simple math questions and I discovered that I can't even assign a value to a number anymore. Numbers are beyond my comprehension as are directions and spacial relationships. I don't know right from left, or up from down, or greater than/lesser than. My short term memory is so shot that if I close my eyes for 30 seconds, when I open them I'm surprised at where I am! My memory won't even hold that information till I open my eyes again. That's disconcerting to say the least. There are a lot of other effects that are scary. It's also scary that these silent strokes are often found in Alzheimer's patients and my dad has Alzheimer's. The thought of losing my mind literally terrifies me. I can handle being sick and even dealing with cancer, but I don't think I can handle losing my ability to think.
There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past six months. I had a commissions waiting list that was over a year long that I've had to clear and am no longer able to accept custom orders right now. In fact, I really haven't done anything except finish up some mostly done pieces like the modern living room and the steampunk ice box. I did finally finish the custom Rosedale but I fear that unless things change it may be the last large house I ever build. My Tennyson is still in dry fit on the studio work table and it's fully furnished even tho it's only taped together and not even started. My goal is to finish it and build a Willowcrest for my BFF before I give up on 1:12 scale houses altogether. If they can get me back on my feet again, I'm going to be working in half scale houses and dressed furniture in both scales for my Etsy store inventory with the occasional quarter scale fairy house. It's a hugely reduced version of Deb's Minis but that's my goal and I'm doing everything I possibly can to reach it. Right now I can't even have the door to the studio open because it breaks my heart that I can't be in there, doing what I love to do best. However, for the past few months my days are pretty much the same: I go from bed to the couch and back again. There have been days when I couldn't even get out of bed.
I've lost touch with a lot of friends and am not online as much as I used to be. I'm still doing the Greenleaf Gazette newsletter because if I have to choose only one thing to do, the newsletter is it. Greenleaf is transitioning some servers so it hasn't been sent out for a couple of months but we've still got issues ready to go when GL is ready to send them. I've missed my friends but it's difficult for me to communicate even in the written form these days. I also forget that I haven't replied to emails....or I think that I have because I formulated the answer in my head but never typed it. Mostly I think I've withdrawn into myself because it's the safest place I can be. I've had some personal issues as well, including a betrayal that ripped my heart out and left me in pieces emotionally. So far 2011 has been a cruel and unforgiving year and since we're drawing close to its end, I don't have much confidence that it will get better. However, I do have hope that in the next three months I'll get some answers and maybe, just maybe, some treatment for the things that ail me so that I can start 2012 on a much better note.
It's taken me several days to type this all out and I'm still not sure if I've corrected all the aphasia type mistakes in it but if you read for content it should make sense. LOL! I'm not using Facebook as much as I had been because of their new "drink the kool-aid" invasion of privacy policies but you can find me on Google+ under Deb Meadows Roberts. There are quite a few of my friends who aren't on Google+ yet so it occurred to me that I could use my blog to keep folks updated and just post on FB and G+ when I've added to the blog. I'm going to try and keep things lighter than this post in the future--today is just to catch everyone up to real time and it's pretty depressing. I think the only joke that I've been able to come up with lately is telling my rheumatologist that if the oncologist expects to do a bone marrow biopsy on my super-dense bones, she's going to need a Black and Decker drill. But instead of only using my blog to post major events (like finishing a dolllhouse), I'll use it to replace Facebook and keep in touch.
It's good to be back on blogspot with you all. I've missed you.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Where's Godzilla When You Need Him?
I'm back and look! {proudly pointing to my throat} I have a neck again!!! That big ole mess is finally out of there and I'm doing soooooo much better already. The incision is healing up nicely and from the looks of it, there's not going to be much of a scar either. There's still some swelling but even with that, it's so much thinner than it was when the thyroid was making me look like Mike Tyson.
My surgeon was great even tho it sounds like he had a tough time wrestling this monster out of my throat. The damned thing was 14 x 6.5 x 4.5 cm. That's almost 5 1/2 inches! Gawd, no wonder I was strangling myself every time I moved my head or arms. That was not a butterfly gland..........that was Mothra!!! It was under the sternum so I was right about my collarbone poking into it like a spear. Anyway, to get it out they had to strap my arms together behind my back and bend me like a backwards taco to push my chest up high enough to get in there. I was sore and bruised from my jaw all the way down to my boobs but I don't care. It was out and that's all that mattered!
There was a little problem with a floor nurse who thought she was a combination of HawthoRNe and House. {sigh} Spare me the attitude bitch. She blew out the vein in my hand by using a port left from the arterial line they used in surgery instead of using the IV line for my first round of pain killers. She didn't flush the line first and then she jabbed one syringe after another into it, shoving the plunger down so fast and hard that it was a blur. In case you don't know, morphine is really thick and even in an IV line it has to be administered very slowly to give it a chance to move thru the vein. Otherwise it sits there like peanut butter. It was bad enough that someone blew out the veins in my left wrist when they took out the arterial line there, but then the Marquis De Sade nurse really blew up the ones in my right hand. OMG, it hurt worse than my throat which is not exactly what pain meds are supposed to do. When the night nurse came on she took out the arterial port and took much better care of me. By the time the day nurse came back with her attitude and her threats of "if you don't do what I say I'll make sure they don't let you go home today", I was awake enough to be pissed. She actually got into an argument with my husband and stood over my bed to yell at him. If I'd had the strength I would have reached up and punched her in the throat. She finally sent a doctor in to settle the argument about whether or not I was under the care of a pulmonologist (just look on my chart.....he's down on the 7th floor if you want to talk to him) and I complained to the doctor about her, showed her my hand, and said I wanted out. NOW. Fortunately I was doing well enough that they let me go less than 24 hours after I got out of surgery.
{grinning} I can be such a bitch but I wasn't sleeping at all and I needed to be home where I could get some rest and I certainly didn't need the stress of a nurse from hell. I had a little fever later on that night, but with Prince Vicodin at my side, I was able to sleep and start recovering a lot faster. Bruce stayed home for a week to take care of me and made sure that I had lots of sherbet and ice water to help with the swelling.
It was the third day when I looked in the mirror and saw something that I hadn't seen in a very long time..........there was a sparkle and clarity in my eyes! And my skin tone looks better too! Even tho it's only been a few days on synthroid I'm doing really well with it. Now if I can just convince my endo to keep me on the high side of normal, I'll be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about the pathology report. Surprisingly the nodules all came back clear. I wa so not expecting that since the nodules were all full of microcalcifications and that's what they had told me held about an 80% chance of cancer. But they were clear and and the lymph node they removed was also benign. But deep down in the tissue, they found a little lesion of papillary cancer. I knew it was in there somewhere! It was small enough that they couldn't do a conclusive test but with the benign lymph node, they pronounced me cancer free and I don't have to have radiation. Yay!!!!! You know that I want to go find every doctor who tried to blow me off and kick them in the er, um, knees. If I hadn't kept fighting every inch of the way about this, they never would have found it before things turned really bad. Yep, I'm a fighter and that makes me a survivor too!
It's been such a long, hard fight with this damned thyroid that I feel like a warrior at the end of a war......sitting in the battlefield and catching my breath before I get up and head back to the business of daily life. But I can look down and still breathe, and I can lift my arms over my head and not strangle myself anymore. The part Bruce likes best is that I don't snore anymore. LOL! There are still a lot of things that I need to deal with but at least the thyroid isn't one of them. It's the biggest hurdle I've had to take medically and I know that things will get better now. Being able to breathe is awesome!
Of course I can't just sit around doing nothing for three weeks while I wait for my incision to heal up enough to go play with sawdust and glue, so I've been doing some puttering. I need lots of flower arrangements and potted plants for my Tennyson and that's something that I can do on a lap tray with some bits of flowers, leaves, pots and a hot glue gun. I may have gotten a little carried away but here's what I did........a little bit of everything from tiny potted plants to hanging baskets, to an oriental carriage for a lawn ornament.
Then when I got bored with plants, I made a red checked table cloth, some potholders, a folded dish towel and a "tossed on the counter" dish towel for my best friend's Laurel. She's doing the kitchen with that fabulous set of retro table, chairs and step stool all in red so these are perfect. I made her leave me the table so I could get the table cloth positioned the way she wanted it to show off the chrome edges of the table under it. I think I'll make her some cafe curtains to go with it tomorrow.
My surgeon was great even tho it sounds like he had a tough time wrestling this monster out of my throat. The damned thing was 14 x 6.5 x 4.5 cm. That's almost 5 1/2 inches! Gawd, no wonder I was strangling myself every time I moved my head or arms. That was not a butterfly gland..........that was Mothra!!! It was under the sternum so I was right about my collarbone poking into it like a spear. Anyway, to get it out they had to strap my arms together behind my back and bend me like a backwards taco to push my chest up high enough to get in there. I was sore and bruised from my jaw all the way down to my boobs but I don't care. It was out and that's all that mattered!
There was a little problem with a floor nurse who thought she was a combination of HawthoRNe and House. {sigh} Spare me the attitude bitch. She blew out the vein in my hand by using a port left from the arterial line they used in surgery instead of using the IV line for my first round of pain killers. She didn't flush the line first and then she jabbed one syringe after another into it, shoving the plunger down so fast and hard that it was a blur. In case you don't know, morphine is really thick and even in an IV line it has to be administered very slowly to give it a chance to move thru the vein. Otherwise it sits there like peanut butter. It was bad enough that someone blew out the veins in my left wrist when they took out the arterial line there, but then the Marquis De Sade nurse really blew up the ones in my right hand. OMG, it hurt worse than my throat which is not exactly what pain meds are supposed to do. When the night nurse came on she took out the arterial port and took much better care of me. By the time the day nurse came back with her attitude and her threats of "if you don't do what I say I'll make sure they don't let you go home today", I was awake enough to be pissed. She actually got into an argument with my husband and stood over my bed to yell at him. If I'd had the strength I would have reached up and punched her in the throat. She finally sent a doctor in to settle the argument about whether or not I was under the care of a pulmonologist (just look on my chart.....he's down on the 7th floor if you want to talk to him) and I complained to the doctor about her, showed her my hand, and said I wanted out. NOW. Fortunately I was doing well enough that they let me go less than 24 hours after I got out of surgery.
{grinning} I can be such a bitch but I wasn't sleeping at all and I needed to be home where I could get some rest and I certainly didn't need the stress of a nurse from hell. I had a little fever later on that night, but with Prince Vicodin at my side, I was able to sleep and start recovering a lot faster. Bruce stayed home for a week to take care of me and made sure that I had lots of sherbet and ice water to help with the swelling.
It was the third day when I looked in the mirror and saw something that I hadn't seen in a very long time..........there was a sparkle and clarity in my eyes! And my skin tone looks better too! Even tho it's only been a few days on synthroid I'm doing really well with it. Now if I can just convince my endo to keep me on the high side of normal, I'll be great.
Oh, I almost forgot to tell you about the pathology report. Surprisingly the nodules all came back clear. I wa so not expecting that since the nodules were all full of microcalcifications and that's what they had told me held about an 80% chance of cancer. But they were clear and and the lymph node they removed was also benign. But deep down in the tissue, they found a little lesion of papillary cancer. I knew it was in there somewhere! It was small enough that they couldn't do a conclusive test but with the benign lymph node, they pronounced me cancer free and I don't have to have radiation. Yay!!!!! You know that I want to go find every doctor who tried to blow me off and kick them in the er, um, knees. If I hadn't kept fighting every inch of the way about this, they never would have found it before things turned really bad. Yep, I'm a fighter and that makes me a survivor too!
It's been such a long, hard fight with this damned thyroid that I feel like a warrior at the end of a war......sitting in the battlefield and catching my breath before I get up and head back to the business of daily life. But I can look down and still breathe, and I can lift my arms over my head and not strangle myself anymore. The part Bruce likes best is that I don't snore anymore. LOL! There are still a lot of things that I need to deal with but at least the thyroid isn't one of them. It's the biggest hurdle I've had to take medically and I know that things will get better now. Being able to breathe is awesome!
Of course I can't just sit around doing nothing for three weeks while I wait for my incision to heal up enough to go play with sawdust and glue, so I've been doing some puttering. I need lots of flower arrangements and potted plants for my Tennyson and that's something that I can do on a lap tray with some bits of flowers, leaves, pots and a hot glue gun. I may have gotten a little carried away but here's what I did........a little bit of everything from tiny potted plants to hanging baskets, to an oriental carriage for a lawn ornament.
Then when I got bored with plants, I made a red checked table cloth, some potholders, a folded dish towel and a "tossed on the counter" dish towel for my best friend's Laurel. She's doing the kitchen with that fabulous set of retro table, chairs and step stool all in red so these are perfect. I made her leave me the table so I could get the table cloth positioned the way she wanted it to show off the chrome edges of the table under it. I think I'll make her some cafe curtains to go with it tomorrow.
I'm still not up to writing much and I should be laying on the couch playing Bookworm on Game Lounge right now but I remembered that I hadn't updated my blog after the surgery. So I'm going back to the couch now that y'all have the latest news. Thank you all for the prayers, positive thoughts and whispered spells for me. I know that made a huge difference in how this all came out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)