Thursday, August 13, 2009

One of *those* conversations

We all have them even when we don't want them. Sometimes they can sneak up on you and you don't realize you're in the middle of one till it's too late to run. Sometimes you can spot it right away and make your escape by mumbling something about needing to go home and slam your fingers in the door. Given a choice, most of us would rather slam our fingers in the door than have a conversation with one of those "Hi, I'm your new best friend" total strangers.

Grocery stores seem to be a favorite hangout for the IYNBFs. If you're lucky they'll be within your line of vision and you can see them taking a deep breath, putting on that slightly creepy smile, and heading toward you as if they're on a mission from god. I'm not even polite anymore. If I see them first, I will drop whatever I have in my hands and run. I don't need corn flakes that bad!

The last one caught me in the produce section. I was trying to find a decent tomato and never saw her coming. I'm gonna blame this one on the grocery store chains who seem to be confused about the definition of "tomato". Red, squishy and wet does not a tomato make. It needs to have tomato flavor too. Lately they've even been hedging on the red part. Anemic Pink is more popular and sometimes even Sickly Yellow. Nope, those are not going in my grocery cart. I don't expect to have the tomato experience of picking one straight off the vine, sprinkling a little salt on it and standing there with my toes dug into the dirt eating a tomato still warm from the sun anymore, but I'd like something that tastes a little more like a tomato and a little less like wet sawdust.

So while searching thru the piles of tomatoes for one that might even slightly come close to being good enough for a BLT, an IYNBF snuck up on me. I cringed and became even more focused on the tomatoes. Oh hell, lets face it. I was concentrating so hard on those 'maters that the casual observer would think I was hot on the trail of the holy grail!

It's a known fact that IYNBFs do not understand the body language that most of us recognize as saying "I don't want to talk to you right now". Avoiding eye contact does no good. They'll be happy to talk to the back of your head. Moving away slightly doesn't help either. They'll follow you. IYNBFs do not recognize the laws of personal space and will snuggle right up under your armpit if you're not careful. You can even walk away and they'll just follow right along, oblivious to the fact that you're leaving. Not only do they not handle rejection, they don't even acknowledge it.

I looked to my hubby for help. He kind of snickered and busily inspected this year's crop of cucumbers. I mumbled something under my breath about him being a bastard and he stifled a laugh. No help there.

It would have been best if I had just cut and run right then, but she had me. I made the mistake of glancing around wildly, looking for an escape route and when I raised my head, she made eye contact.

Her opening line was "My goodness, but you have very long hair".

Oh goodie. Not only is she an IYNBF, but she's one of those people who state the obvious. I'm aware that I have long hair. It's hard to miss it when I keep sitting on it. Not only do I have long hair, I have about several feet of long hair. When it's not braided, it touches the backs of my knees and I'm almost 5'7". So telling me that I have long hair isn't exactly a news flash.

Her next line was worse. "How did your hair get so long?"

I couldn't resist. I replied, "I don't cut it". I figured that if she was going to play "state the obvious", I'd get into the spirit of things.

She started babbling about how she'd heard that hair would grow faster if you trimmed the ends once in awhile. I told her that I did, but only during the new moon. As soon as it left my lips, I knew I never should have said that. She asked if I learned that be reading the Farmer's Almanac. "No, my grandmother taught me that".

I decided that was about as far as I wanted to go in the conversation and again turned my attention back to the tomatoes with an intensity never before seen in a produce department. I kept moving away and she kept following me. I realized that she was still babbling but she'd gone on to the topic of all the things she had learned by reading the Farmer's Almanac.

She showed no signs of ceasing her chatter anytime soon. In fact, she was leaning against the shelf and making herself comfortable among the grapefruit. That was when I started looking around for anything that might be used as a blunt instrument.

A bunch of bananas? Naw, they just don't have the mass to do much good. Obviously the small items like tomatoes, onions and grapes weren't going to be of any help. I frantically looked around, becoming more and more desperate. Watermelons??? No, not unless Galhager showed up with a sledgehammer. I was about to give up when I saw the pile of coconuts!

At that point, my husband realized two things. First he realized that I was reaching the end of my patience. Then he realized that coconuts were not on the grocery list. I'm sure that he thought it over and decided that the entertainment value probably wasn't equal to the cost of throwing my bail because he finally jumped in and said we had better get going before the ice cream melted. I jumped right on that and yelped out, "Gottagobye" and took off. Did you know that you can burn rubber with a grocery cart?

When last seen, the IYNBF was still standing there by the tomatoes talking away. I'm not sure she'd noticed that I'd left. For all I know, she's still standing there. I'm not going to take a chance to go back to that grocery store to find out!

I promised there would be some Italian eye candy this time and there is! Pop on over to MiniMadWoman's blog and see! Teresa has a new dollhouse and I'm proud to say that I was able to build it for her. It's home to one of Julie Campbell's dolls. Here's a bit of irony for you...........the French Chateau order that I just finished was for the home of a couple of Julie's dolls as well and I'll be building another house for yet another of Julie's dolls in the future. Apparently Julie's dolls are happy in my houses and neither one of us was aware of it! LOL! I'm a big fan of Julie's work as well and I think the coincidence of her dolls living in my houses is because her dolls are so very popular.

Anyway, drop into see Teresa and check out her new Italian Clock Shop. She has pictures of the shop and a link for a video too. I can't wait to see how Reginauld furnishes the shop and all the fantastic clocks he'll be adding to it.


  1. Hi Deb! I'm your new best friend. I have one tomato still on the vine. I figure that qualifies me as best friend material....Sorry. Couldn't resist! LOL That was one of the funniest blogs that I have read in a while. Thanks for the laugh!

  2. I can sympathize. I don't have strangers wanting to be my best friend- just the opposite. I seem to be invisible to everyone- I cannot tell you the number of times someone has walked right into me like I did not exist!! My hubby says I need to look meaner :) This post made me giggle this morning. I saw the house on Teresa's blog- it is gorgeous!! Hope you have a fab weekend!!!

  3. You need to learn the "crazier than thou game". The title is self explanatory and makes encounters like this amusing. I made use of this alot on the Greyhound bus, during my college years. It's amazing how far you need to go sometimes :0

    I wonder if that guy still sings loudly to random crowds of people...I lost the game that day :(

  4. Great story :) I was contemplating being your new best friend lately, been trying to decide on some furniture and keep going back to your shop to look.